My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We are all done wearing pants today
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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