Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
