oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
