I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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