You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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