You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
