I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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