i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize