I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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