yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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