he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
