Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
