Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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