I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
