just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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