I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
