I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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