i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
