I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
