I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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