I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
