My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
