is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
