well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
