i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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