You're completely useless in the revolution.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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