My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
