Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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