it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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