After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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