Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize