Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
