It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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