Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
