So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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