Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
