The best revenge is premature balding
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize