Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let's get the cat blown out
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
