It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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