I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im holly from the hills drunk
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I want is dick and wine.
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