My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
