I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
