just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
