omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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