You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
