Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
