I looked at my own cervix.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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