i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
