every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
