I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
