The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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