I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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