No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
