Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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