im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize