I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Green mimosas i think yes
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
