I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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