she was so not down for the gang bang
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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