I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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