I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
