Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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