He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
