don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
