So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
