i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
