the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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